Thursday, September 24, 2009

BROKENHEARTED

This is Lyric....my 3 year old grandaughter....my heart outside of my body!





I love this child (and my grandson) more than just about anything in this world. Chuck and I have kept her every weekend since she was born. We get special "Nana and PawPaw" time, as well as give her parents a very well deserved break! Win Win....right?

I thought so too.


My son was laid off from his job last November. Chuck and I have done our very best to support them and help them out during the lay off. They even moved back home with us earlier this spring.

Our house is plenty big enough to accomodate everyone, and it gave them a chance to get back on their feet. It's what we parents do, right?

I though so too!

BJ, our son, went back to work over 4 months ago. The kids were still staying with us until they could get things caught up.


Well, 9 weeks ago....let me repeat that......9 WEEKS AGO....Catherine took Lyric and left!

(I've thought long and hard about posting this....but it's MY blog after all...and I need to say a few things)


I don't know all of the story behind her leaving, just that there has been trouble between them for over a year now! BJ told us this last week.

We knew something "wasn't right" because of the way Catherine was acting. She was very depressed and frankly, just didn't pay attention to Lyric at all.

She was spending most of her days either in bed, or sitting on the sofa doing Sudoko puzzles. Nothing more....no playing with Lyric, no tv...nothing!


We started potty training Lyric, and on the very first day Lyric had several accidents. To be expected, right??? At least I expected them, having potty trained 2 myself.

Well, Catherine went off!!!! She screamed and hollered at Lyric telling her what a failure she was as a Mom, and how she couldn't teach her anything! THE FIRST DAY!!

BJ works second shift, so after her went to work, I went in the living room and told Catherine she was NOT a failure, and this was going to take time. I also told her that if she kept telling Lyric what a failure as a mom she was......that's what Lyric would grow up to believe!

Things seemed ok for a few days after that. THEN.....on that Sunday Catherine wanted nothing.... NOTHING to do with Lyric!

She kept telling her all day to go away, or go downstains with Chuck and me. So she did!

We spent all day playing, coloring, etc.

Around supper time, Lyric went upstairs to go potty, and told Catherine she was hungry.

Catherine came totally unglued on the poor baby! She grabbed her arm and screamed at her that "she was sick of her, and didn't want to even look at her face" Then she told her to get out of her way!

I'd had enough!!

BJ came and rescued Lyric....he took her in the bathroom to get a bath.

Then I went into the living room.......... Naturally, I was none too happy at the time.

I told Catherine that I NEVER wanted to hear her talk like that to Lyric again. She's only 3...she did not deserve to be spoken to like that!!!!

I also told her that there were times I was sick of my 26 year old kids.....but I would NEVER talk to them like that! Lyric had done nothing to deserve this!

Catherine just went to pieces and ran to the bedroom and slammed the door.

BJ fed Lyric and put her to bed. Then he went to work.


When Chuck came home Monday afternon, they were gone! NOT BJ.....just Catherine and Lyric!

BJ said when he woke up that day, Catherine had her brother over at the house packing up their stuff, and she was moving back to her Mothers house.

I went into Lyrics room, and Catherine had taken all of Lyrics things (except the things we had bought her). She also took everything (I mean everything) we had bought for her over the last 6 years she and BJ have been together and dumped it on Lyrics bed. She wants nothing to do with us anymore! All because of me defending Lyric!


Fast forward 9 weeks.....BJ is still living with us, and Catherine is still at her moms house.

She's told BJ that she "doesn't want to be married anymore".....but she doesn't want a divorce because she has no means of support! She has never had a job, and does not drive. She told BJ she needs him for his money! Seriously???
My son is heartbroken! He really loves Catherine!
In her defense, I will say that since all of this has taken place, we've found out that Catherine is bi-polar and has sense been medicated. This has helped tremendously with the mood swings....but the attitude is still the same!
She has told BJ that if he finds a new palce and gets everything set up and moved then she will consider moving back with him. But not until everything is done to her satisfaction!
(she really needs the crown knocked off of her head).
In the meantime....Chuck and I have been denied any contact with Lyric at all!
We have not seen her in 9 WEEKS!!
Catherine says she is afraid that if she lets Lyric come over, we won't send her back! Are you kidding me?? She says she's afraid we will keep her because she is such a bad mother!!
NOTHING like that has ever even been suggested!

We've talked to BJ about this, but he says it just starts another fight if he approaches the subject, but he will "try to work on it!"
We know that KY recognizes grandparents visitation rights. We just really hate taking our own kids to court.
In the meantime, BJ is still living with us (rent free), and driving across town every day to visit his wife and daughter. We still have our house full of all of their household goods (I have put most of my stuff away to make room for theirs),and BJ is paying for all of the utilities and groceries at Catherines mom's house.
She is disabled and can't work.
I'm not sure where this saga is going to go, but I do know a couple of things. BJ has to make his own decisions about his marriage. We've told him we are here to support him, but we have no place in their marriage! I also know that we cannot continue to enable his behavior as far as Chuck and I are concerned. I'd like to have my house back if they aren't going to live there.....and
I WANT TO SEE MY GRANDBABY!
PLEASE PRAY FOR ALL OF US AND THIS SITUATION!

9 comments:

Just Breathe said...

I will pray. I'm so sorry. I know how much your heart aches now. I will pray that you can be with her soon. We have taken our kids in too from time to time. That's what parents do. My MIL has recently experienced the same thing. She cannot see her grandchildren. It was a simple discussion that went way overboard. I know your son loves her and I will pray that God will work on what is best for them and their daughter.

Andora said...

Jacki,I am so sorry that all of this is happening..all I can say is I will pray for you and the situation,and hope all works out..I know your heart is broken over your sweet grandbaby..I will remember you all in prayer...

Sneaky Momma said...

Oh, I'm praying for you guys. What a nasty situation. I just wish that life would settle down for you a little bit. It just seems like one thing after another.

I pray that that poor woman comes to her senses and allows you guys to visit your granddaughter. I hope that you are able to stay out of court, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do. :(

Wanda said...

Could a heart to heart talk with Catherine in person or letter be of any help...Young DIL don't like to be judged by us MILs...even if they are in the wrong...the love of the grandchild is the connecting force here...a letter of just things of that nature...showing the willingness to meet half way with an non-judgemental attitude might help...I think it would be extremely hard living together no matter how big the house...Your son needs to find suitable living quarters, if he wants to reconnect with his wife...relations can be repaired...if all step back and start from scratch...take the first step of forgiving her
first...the grandchild needs all of you to be friendly! Hope it works out...Younger people have false pride...not wisdom.

mom2kmjx2 said...

Oh Jacki, I am so sorry you have to go thur this. I will pray it gets resolved soon. Bi-polar is nasty my dad has it and even on meds I have no idea what his mood is going to be like when I see him.

Erin said...

What a horrible situation. I really hope that things turn out. You deserve to see that beautiful grandbaby! I will keep you in our prayers, and Lyric too, that her mother is treating her properly!

septembermom said...

What a difficult situation. I hope all works out for the best. I will pray for you and your family. Sweet Lyric is a beauty.

Lea White said...

Oh I'm so very sorry. I will keep you guys in my prayers and thoughts!!!

christy rose said...

Jacki,
I am so sorry to hear about this situation. I am lifting you and your family up in prayer. Redemption and restoration are in God's hands. Look to Him to bring them your way.
Christy